Calm Casualties

लफ्ज़ों के सहारे अक्सर मुशायरे जीत लिया करते थे पर अब तो जैसे खंडहरों का बुत हो गया हूँ मैं, शायरी भूल गया हूँ मैं। यूँ तो हमने लोगों से हमेशा ही नज़रें चुराईं थी लेकिन दीदार-ए-दुनिया से नफरत का अब आलम और है घर से सिर्फ मस्ज़िद तक ही चहलकदमी हुआ करती थी पहले पर अब तो जैसे वो रास्ता भी भटक गया हूँ मैं, शायरी भूल गया हूँ मैं। बना के खुदा तुझे, खुद तेरे आगे नाचीज़ हो गया ये बोल के एक दिन खुदा से भी उलझ बैठा यूँ तो ज़िंदादिली इतनी थी के जहन्नुम में मुस्कुराते शायद पर अब तो जैसे साँसें भुलाने में मशगूल हो गया हूँ मैं, शायरी भूल गया हूँ मैं।

Have you ever been in love? The kind of love that lasted for years. The kind of love where you spent a lifetime together yet you didn't know each other. The kind of love where you knew about each-other's friends, family and everything else but you also knew that there is something missing in between you two. The kind of love in which you had so many questions in your head but no responses, and so much to respond but nobody to notice. The kind of love where you did everything one should do to keep the feelings in motion yet you stood still. The kind of love where there was a smile on your face but deep inside you were just a hollow-being. Have you ever been in love? The kind of love that didn't last longer than a summer. The kind of love that felt like a chilling breeze piercing through your heart, melting your brain like some fierce flare, outpouring your soul like a drizzle on your face. The kind of love where you wanted to surrender yourself to your better-half. No

You met. It was accidental. You talked. It was incidental. You kept in touch. It was intentional. You discussed your fears, your passion, your love, your loathes, your confusions, your problems, every little joy of yours because with them, you were you. You were being yourself. You were telling the things you couldn't tell anyone before. You though t that you two have good understanding, that you two are from same species unlike homo sapiens. Time felt a null entity when you were together. World felt a hollow sphere when you were not together. This life was an island full of amazing experiences and adventures when you two just merely started to see each other. But now, when you two are strangers, it is a desert washed out of a sand storm. People say don't cry because it happened but be happy that it gave you so much to remember. But again, you are not happy, nor sad that it happened. It's just when you walk down the memory lane, all you feel is comfortably NUMB.

Lazy weekend afternoon. It's 45°C outside. I cant do anything but to sit tight inside my room and waste some hours. Just when I realize I should pick on my dead blog this summer as no adventure is waiting for me in this steamy hot weather. Umm.. so here I go. ---------------------------------x-------------------------------x---------------------------- Few days ago I was in a nearby restaurant having my dinner. A family of four took their entrance. The couple in their mid-30s and two daughters. They seem very subtle to me in first glance. Nobody was wearing nothing fancy. And they all were happy. They weren't smiling but you could tell by reading their face or the composure that they were one happy family. Manager's cabin was a few steps away from my table. After ordering from menu (each member went through with the list and ordered the cuisin of their choice), the husband, or let just continue with the word father, got up and marched towards the manager's

I think somehow I have realized that human psyche is a real delicate thing. Hard to read, impossible to predict. It can take only so much pain and when the pain grows unbearable, it looks for an escape. A little escape from this world. Sometimes, nobody gets your state of mind, your inner mayhem. You have close friends, family but you're very complicated for them at such time. You have a few hell understanding pen-pals but they are far, so far that they can't bring you at ease. All they have for you are 'words' and words are something that can heal but can't cure. People, who yelled about their love towards you all through your life, they don't even shit care about you. Whenever they get any opportunity to have someone better, they poof. Without even realizing what are they going to miss. Life is such a mess. Good moments, bad hours. Happy days, sappy years. They say, "There is always a bright morning after darkest night." I ask, "What if you

Another year is gone Another year is waiting Lots of dreams, lots of hope All of sorts, falling and raising Another list of resolutions Which is never going to be followed Aiming high, ignoring the reality That it is just momentary and hollowed. Now when I think, analyse The past few years They all were the same With same all joy, with same all tears. Now I know that The new year is never meant to be different It will be the same again With same dry start, with same dead end. Crappy New Year!