Calm Casualties

Have you ever been in love? The kind of love that lasted for years. The kind of love where you spent a lifetime together yet you didn't know each other. The kind of love where you knew about each-other's friends, family and everything else but you also knew that there is something missing in between you two. The kind of love in which you had so many questions in your head but no responses, and so much to respond but nobody to notice. The kind of love where you did everything one should do to keep the feelings in motion yet you stood still. The kind of love where there was a smile on your face but deep inside you were just a hollow-being. Have you ever been in love? The kind of love that didn't last longer than a summer. The kind of love that felt like a chilling breeze piercing through your heart, melting your brain like some fierce flare, outpouring your soul like a drizzle on your face. The kind of love where you wanted to surrender yourself to your better-half. No ...

You met. It was accidental. You talked. It was incidental. You kept in touch. It was intentional. You discussed your fears, your passion, your love, your loathes, your confusions, your problems, every little joy of yours because with them, you were you. You were being yourself. You were telling the things you couldn't tell anyone before. You though t that you two have good understanding, that you two are from same species unlike homo sapiens. Time felt a null entity when you were together. World felt a hollow sphere when you were not together. This life was an island full of amazing experiences and adventures when you two just merely started to see each other. But now, when you two are strangers, it is a desert washed out of a sand storm. People say don't cry because it happened but be happy that it gave you so much to remember. But again, you are not happy, nor sad that it happened. It's just when you walk down the memory lane, all you feel is comfortably NUMB.

I think somehow I have realized that human psyche is a real delicate thing. Hard to read, impossible to predict. It can take only so much pain and when the pain grows unbearable, it looks for an escape. A little escape from this world. Sometimes, nobody gets your state of mind, your inner mayhem. You have close friends, family but you're very complicated for them at such time. You have a few hell understanding pen-pals but they are far, so far that they can't bring you at ease. All they have for you are 'words' and words are something that can heal but can't cure. People, who yelled about their love towards you all through your life, they don't even shit care about you. Whenever they get any opportunity to have someone better, they poof. Without even realizing what are they going to miss. Life is such a mess. Good moments, bad hours. Happy days, sappy years. They say, "There is always a bright morning after darkest night." I ask, "What if you ...

Another year is gone Another year is waiting Lots of dreams, lots of hope All of sorts, falling and raising Another list of resolutions Which is never going to be followed Aiming high, ignoring the reality That it is just momentary and hollowed. Now when I think, analyse The past few years They all were the same With same all joy, with same all tears. Now I know that The new year is never meant to be different It will be the same again With same dry start, with same dead end. Crappy New Year!

I hope, they fail me. I run, they trail me. I live, they hate me. I die, they recreate me. It is not me vs 'em. It is me vs. myself. _________________________________________________________________________________ I dream to hope. I hope to dream. I live, I die, I laugh, I scream. I want the peace, not blood or wars. I want them friends, not foes or false. All I want is a life, that sets me free. No more tears, no more fears, Just two eyes, full of glee. Who Am I?

Hide from me, and you will not see my face again. Lie to me, you won't even have to speak from then. Cause me pain, I promise I won't shed a tear. Stab my back, and I'll dead. You have nothing to fear. ----x----x---- Weeded eyes, truthful lies. Mingled and tangled, the brain even cries. Chasing the reality, like a cat after mice. Matter of fate, or fact, that who'll survive. ----x----x---- I'm smiling, It doesn't mean there is nothing wrong. I convinced you so. 'Cause my lies were so strong. There is a secret stash of feeling I'm hiding inside. Sure you can see it, but it is impossible to find.

Being disturbed within the days of solitude Rhyming all night long searching for falling stars Gazing so deep that being lost in the dark Ignoring the fact that I belong here To planet earth Full of pathetic human beings Growing meany day by day Getting selfish hour by hour Betraying humanity and it's nature Killing and robbing Hating and raping.

So you think I've got an attitude problem. Perhaps, you caught a perception problem. ;)  (Curtains Call) If you're waiting for a 'Hi' or 'Hello' to start with Then I must tell you, I just don't do that & I can't help it. I can't act sweet all the time cuz being a friend means much more. I don't seem to be, but yeah, I do care for sure. Sometimes I fake around you cuz I like it when I see you smile. It's easy to flaunt the truth but what if it'll apart us like miles? All I'm trying is to hold, to save this relationship. Of course I'm trying hard, so hard, to fix this emotive shit. But again If I'm hurting you like a heartache & causing you cry. Just let me know baby, I'll escape from your world and without asking why. Or all you could do is to leave me alone.. At your own.