Calm Casualties

I will kill him tonight. A person who has never done any wrong. I will crush him quick, and drain him dry. He has longed for this day, and for so long. His sin was he loved, he cared. Now he will be thumped for this, and dazed. I tried to stall him, as for this, he was to be slayed. Salvation will be hurled upon him, as his arrogance always prevailed. Enacting the hangman, I will carry the death to him. But the sinner resides in my own soul, hence I will, solely, be the victim.

लफ्ज़ों के सहारे अक्सर मुशायरे जीत लिया करते थे पर अब तो जैसे खंडहरों का बुत हो गया हूँ मैं, शायरी भूल गया हूँ मैं। यूँ तो हमने लोगों से हमेशा ही नज़रें चुराईं थी लेकिन दीदार-ए-...

Have you ever been in love? The kind of love that lasted for years. The kind of love where you spent a lifetime together yet you didn't know each other. The kind of love where you knew about each-other's friends, family and everything else but you also knew that there is something missing in between you two. The kind of love in which you had so many questions in your head but no responses, and so much to respond but nobody to notice. The kind of love where you did everything one should do to keep the feelings in motion yet you stood still. The kind of love where there was a smile on your face but deep inside you were just a hollow-being. Have you ever been in love? The kind of love that didn't last longer than a summer. The kind of love that felt like a chilling breeze piercing through your heart, melting your brain like some fierce flare, outpouring your soul like a drizzle on your face. The kind of love where you wanted to surrender yourself to your better-half. No ...

You met. It was accidental. You talked. It was incidental. You kept in touch. It was intentional. You discussed your fears, your passion, your love, your loathes, your confusions, your problems, every little joy of yours because with them, you were you. You were being yourself. You were telling the things you couldn't tell anyone before. You though t that you two have good understanding, that you two are from same species unlike homo sapiens. Time felt a null entity when you were together. World felt a hollow sphere when you were not together. This life was an island full of amazing experiences and adventures when you two just merely started to see each other. But now, when you two are strangers, it is a desert washed out of a sand storm. People say don't cry because it happened but be happy that it gave you so much to remember. But again, you are not happy, nor sad that it happened. It's just when you walk down the memory lane, all you feel is comfortably NUMB.

Lazy weekend afternoon. It's 45°C outside. I cant do anything but to sit tight inside my room and waste some hours. Just when I realize I should pick on my dead blog this summer as no adventure is waiting for me in this steamy hot weather. Umm.. so here I go. ---------------------------------x-------------------------------x---------------------------- Few days ago I was in a nearby restaurant having my dinner. A family of four took their entrance. The couple in their mid-30s and two daughters. They seem very subtle to me in first glance. Nobody was wearing nothing fancy. And they all were happy. They weren't smiling but you could tell by reading their face or the composure that they were one happy family. Manager's cabin was a few steps away from my table. After ordering from menu (each member went through with the list and ordered the cuisin of their choice), the husband, or let just continue with the word father, got up and marched towards the manager's...

I think somehow I have realized that human psyche is a real delicate thing. Hard to read, impossible to predict. It can take only so much pain and when the pain grows unbearable, it looks for an escape. A little escape from this world. Sometimes, nobody gets your state of mind, your inner mayhem. You have close friends, family but you're very complicated for them at such time. You have a few hell understanding pen-pals but they are far, so far that they can't bring you at ease. All they have for you are 'words' and words are something that can heal but can't cure. People, who yelled about their love towards you all through your life, they don't even shit care about you. Whenever they get any opportunity to have someone better, they poof. Without even realizing what are they going to miss. Life is such a mess. Good moments, bad hours. Happy days, sappy years. They say, "There is always a bright morning after darkest night." I ask, "What if you ...

Another year is gone Another year is waiting Lots of dreams, lots of hope All of sorts, falling and raising Another list of resolutions Which is never going to be followed Aiming high, ignoring the reality That it is just momentary and hollowed. Now when I think, analyse The past few years They all were the same With same all joy, with same all tears. Now I know that The new year is never meant to be different It will be the same again With same dry start, with same dead end. Crappy New Year!

I hope, they fail me. I run, they trail me. I live, they hate me. I die, they recreate me. It is not me vs 'em. It is me vs. myself. _________________________________________________________________________________ I dream to hope. I hope to dream. I live, I die, I laugh, I scream. I want the peace, not blood or wars. I want them friends, not foes or false. All I want is a life, that sets me free. No more tears, no more fears, Just two eyes, full of glee. Who Am I?

The sorrows will heat you up. The memories will beat you up. Smile anyway. The pain will lay you down. The failures will cause you moan. Try anyway. Betrayals will make you cry. Your own faults will set you die. Live anyway. Because in the end, you ll realize for sure, that you were not just a survivor, but a warrior, who was fighting against all odds.

The day I saw you, was the day I thought, "No, this is not gonna happen. " The day I got you was the day I thought, "Well, I like it. Let it happen." The day you left me was the day I thought, "Damn, How can this happen?" The day I overcame was the day I thought, "Maybe that was something meant to happen." And there was a day, when I saw you again, cracked down and prayed, "Oh God! For a single time, again, let it be the same as it was happened."

Hide from me, and you will not see my face again. Lie to me, you won't even have to speak from then. Cause me pain, I promise I won't shed a tear. Stab my back, and I'll dead. You have nothing to fear. ----x----x---- Weeded eyes, truthful lies. Mingled and tangled, the brain even cries. Chasing the reality, like a cat after mice. Matter of fate, or fact, that who'll survive. ----x----x---- I'm smiling, It doesn't mean there is nothing wrong. I convinced you so. 'Cause my lies were so strong. There is a secret stash of feeling I'm hiding inside. Sure you can see it, but it is impossible to find.

Being disturbed within the days of solitude Rhyming all night long searching for falling stars Gazing so deep that being lost in the dark Ignoring the fact that I belong here To planet earth Full of pathetic human beings Growing meany day by day Getting selfish hour by hour Betraying humanity and it's nature Killing and robbing Hating and raping.

Few days ago while you were mine. I was so happy for owning a soul divine. I felt so lucky that my wishes came true. But I was a fool, a stupid wearing one shoe. One shoe was with me, and one shoe was missing. First shoe was of affection, and other one of trusting. You thought me a moron, that I was a player. Well, you were so wrong, but me, I never cared. As one should understand, the other one's silence. Yeah, you took me wrong, now look into my eyes. It was you forever, just you and no one else. You may never heard of it or I might never told you this. I see my world now falling apart, I see you gone. I'm not gonna ask you back, I'll continue to be a moron. 'Cause this is me, and you loved me for it once. This is why you happened to me, for good or for worse. Keeping my eyes ground-ward, searching for my another shoe. I miss you so, an I hope you miss me too.

Kabhi hamare sath chalkar Kabhi hamare sath rehkar Tum chale gaye achanak Hamari zindagi badalkar Tum the tow lagta tha ab na koi khwahish hogi. Tum the tow lagta tha ab na koi farmaish hogi. "Jaane khuda kyu rehemgir hai mujh par? Ya mujhe tolne ki koi aazmaish hogi." Phir hua bhi kuch yun hi, tum kho gaye jaane kidhar. Jaane kaise ikk hui ye raah aur meri nazar. Hum dekhte hi reh gaye aur aashiyaana jalta reh gaya Bebas tow jaane kab se the, lo ho gaye ab beghar. Yaado ke saaye tow sath hain mere har dam, har pal, Katl karte hain mujhe, har ghadi ban mera kaatil. Fir bhi jeeye jaa rahe hain hum issi ummeed mein Aao shayad laut ke inn panaaho me phir tum kal.

I hate it high, I hate so hard. That being so close. But feeling apart. To act like a human. To think much insane. To have it all. But nothing to claim. Assuming you know me. Pretending you're there. Realizing it's nothing. But a sheer dream-sphere. Then I hate it much more. Like some shit so real. Trying to get over it. The memories you appeal.

Sometimes I grow, I grow so cold. Feel nothing, see nothing, have nothing to hold. But somehow I know, I hear it so loud. The sound that resonates, resonates outbound. Hurting my heart, my soul and my brain, "Bleeding and bleeding, Listening and breathing" Inhales then exhales, exhales in pain. Like raising alone, in a darksome sky, A sky without stars, stars and moonlight. Fearing the sunrays, escaping the shadows. Running so fast, dead and disclosed. In search of a place, where I can hide, "Bleeding and bleeding, Searching and seeking." Seeking so long that I went so blind. Sometimes I grow.

So you think I've got an attitude problem. Perhaps, you caught a perception problem. ;)  (Curtains Call) If you're waiting for a 'Hi' or 'Hello' to start with Then I must tell you, I just don't do that & I can't help it. I can't act sweet all the time cuz being a friend means much more. I don't seem to be, but yeah, I do care for sure. Sometimes I fake around you cuz I like it when I see you smile. It's easy to flaunt the truth but what if it'll apart us like miles? All I'm trying is to hold, to save this relationship. Of course I'm trying hard, so hard, to fix this emotive shit. But again If I'm hurting you like a heartache & causing you cry. Just let me know baby, I'll escape from your world and without asking why. Or all you could do is to leave me alone.. At your own.

Live and die. Love and cry. My world has just two faces, mine and thy. My dream is to chase you. Even across all skies. I know I have no wings, but I still wanna fly. I know, I'll fall. I know my future is dry. But still, I will stand up, flutter my wings and try.   This life is full of sorrows. This planet is filled with pains. The wounds I have will never heal, heart-aches,blunt cuts and boggling strains. Pulping out the memories, to get back those moments. The moments I had you, and this aint a lie. My world has just two faces, mine and thy.

Was it my fault, or were they yours? Or was it the time, what was so coarse? Like a pair of curtains, we drifted apart. Holding same pole, but hanging so far. Staring at void, I saw you in tears. But they were just stars, as sky got more clearer. I shape you in fog, in mist, in water. I feel you around, every moment, like air. Someday, I hope, the curtains will be closer, Hiding the insight, together and forever. Blocking the sun-rays, the meddlers, to come in. Escaping from the world, and continue what we were dreaming...

It's been a while when I used to sit against my machine and wrote about the stuff I felt during the time. The time when I was into much thinking and do nothing state, expressing my brain (not heart) through keyboard. But since long, I haven't done it. Not since last two years I guess. I still think a lot. About the things one shouldn't care about, one shouldn't waste his/her time about. But I still do. And im starting it again. To type them down here. Happy Blogging?